Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Sigh
Idk why, but I'm feeling completely unmotivated right now. It's all of a sudden, but I sort of feel lonely. Not nearly as lonely as I've felt in the past... Actually, maybe it's not loneliness, but frustration/sadness at the monotony of life right now. I haven't met anyone, all I do is do my homework in the morning, go to class, eat lunch, do a little work in the afternoon if I didn't finish in the morning, and then come home to eat and... sit at my computer staring at the screen and listening to music. Not much of a life is it...
Thursday, November 01, 2007
It's been awhile...
Just some small thoughts...
I keep drifting back to Pauline. There's no solid train of thought, and it's not like my mind focuses on her. Rather, it's more like there's this feeling of wanting to see her again and talk with her face to face. I wonder if we'll see each other again soon - within the next year? It'd be nice if I could find some excuse to go to Germany, or she to San Francisco. I don't see any reason for it to happen anytime soon though.
Sometimes I feel that I'm the only one who notices and appreciates certain seemingly minor things. I walk into my Chinese classroom an hour before class starts: all the lights are off except for two bulbs in the front, one lighting from above and slightly behind the TV and the other midway across the chalkboard. They act as spot lights in the front and the shadow's cast by the TV suspended in the air make an interesting, almost symmetrical V-pattern on the wall. When I first walked in, I was about to turn on all the lights like I usually do when they're all turned off. But the ambience of the room was different from normal, and it felt soothing and tranquil. So instead, I sat in my seat and just listened, and looked at the front of the room. There was a slight sound from the fans in the building, otherwise there was only myself, the lights, and the empty desks. I really like finding myself in these type of situations. Would someone else have noted the stillness of the room and taken the time to absorb the mood? I like finding these hidden gems that I feel only I would notice and appreciate. Though, it would be great to meet someone who appreciates and notices them like I do.
I keep drifting back to Pauline. There's no solid train of thought, and it's not like my mind focuses on her. Rather, it's more like there's this feeling of wanting to see her again and talk with her face to face. I wonder if we'll see each other again soon - within the next year? It'd be nice if I could find some excuse to go to Germany, or she to San Francisco. I don't see any reason for it to happen anytime soon though.
Sometimes I feel that I'm the only one who notices and appreciates certain seemingly minor things. I walk into my Chinese classroom an hour before class starts: all the lights are off except for two bulbs in the front, one lighting from above and slightly behind the TV and the other midway across the chalkboard. They act as spot lights in the front and the shadow's cast by the TV suspended in the air make an interesting, almost symmetrical V-pattern on the wall. When I first walked in, I was about to turn on all the lights like I usually do when they're all turned off. But the ambience of the room was different from normal, and it felt soothing and tranquil. So instead, I sat in my seat and just listened, and looked at the front of the room. There was a slight sound from the fans in the building, otherwise there was only myself, the lights, and the empty desks. I really like finding myself in these type of situations. Would someone else have noted the stillness of the room and taken the time to absorb the mood? I like finding these hidden gems that I feel only I would notice and appreciate. Though, it would be great to meet someone who appreciates and notices them like I do.
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