So tired... haven't slept more than 2.5hrs in the past 48hrs or so (at least).
And I keep sitting in the corner of the room, silent - not so much because I'm tired, but because no one comes to talk to me. The most anyone has said to me is "you look tired" or "you should sleep." Why am I completely ignored? Even the sleeping people seem to get more attention than I do (others have taken pictures of them w/ this stuffed heart organ and things like that).
And she sits at the table with everyone else, not even giving me so much of a glance.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Saturday, March 06, 2010
sigh...
SJEC has ended... all the students go home in less than 12 hours. It's quite sad actually... She'll be in SF for awhile yet though, so hopefully I'll see her a few more times until she flies home Wednesday. I'm listening to "Halo" again... definitely the song I need to listen to right now.
Why does my timing always suck.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Breaking out
I couldn't quite place why "Halo" by Snowmobile fits my mood so well today, but it finally came to me while I was showering, playing it over and over in my head with chills running down my spine.
It starts quiet, muffled, barely squeezing through any sound.
Then another instrument, just as constrained, joins in, trying to get its message heard.
Next, strings enter subtly from the left and then the right, supporting the previous struggling instruments.
Their unison call to be heard continues until another sound seems to reach in and say "I'm here too," until the other sounds fade out and all you hear it saying is "where did you all go?"
Then all of a sudden they return, backed with the force of a distant guitar - and then another, and then another; all of them screaming, "Let me be heard! I want to tell you! Let me out from the inside!"
And then suddenly, as if realizing their own futility, they fade away, until that one voice saying "I'm here too" finally takes its leave.
There's something inside that just wants to come out, but it recognizes its own futility and resigns itself to its current home, deep inside.
It starts quiet, muffled, barely squeezing through any sound.
Then another instrument, just as constrained, joins in, trying to get its message heard.
Next, strings enter subtly from the left and then the right, supporting the previous struggling instruments.
Their unison call to be heard continues until another sound seems to reach in and say "I'm here too," until the other sounds fade out and all you hear it saying is "where did you all go?"
Then all of a sudden they return, backed with the force of a distant guitar - and then another, and then another; all of them screaming, "Let me be heard! I want to tell you! Let me out from the inside!"
And then suddenly, as if realizing their own futility, they fade away, until that one voice saying "I'm here too" finally takes its leave.
There's something inside that just wants to come out, but it recognizes its own futility and resigns itself to its current home, deep inside.
I've had a similar dream a few nights in a row now.
Various situations where she is there in front of me. We're talking, hanging out, having fun, doing what we've been doing everyday. But I can never make myself take the next step and just tell her my feelings or ask her. Every time I just let her walk away.
I don't want to ruin our friendship. And there still is that possibility she has a bf back in Japan.
But every morning I wake up and feel like I'm missing an opportunity...
Various situations where she is there in front of me. We're talking, hanging out, having fun, doing what we've been doing everyday. But I can never make myself take the next step and just tell her my feelings or ask her. Every time I just let her walk away.
I don't want to ruin our friendship. And there still is that possibility she has a bf back in Japan.
But every morning I wake up and feel like I'm missing an opportunity...
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