Lonely

Just... lonely.  But not in terms of a significant other, just in terms of having people to hang out with.  Despite the fact I saw two of my good friends from middle school yesterday for dinner, I still feel this way.  Maybe it's because I feel that I really shouldn't do anything because I really need to save money.  I'm so worried about my finances.

And just an fyi: Imogen Heap's instrumental version of Ellipse is amazing.

Nostalgia

I wrote about the film "The Girl who Leapt Through Time" once before, and still the theme song is so moving to me. Especially on days when I'm hoping for a brighter future, but find it just out of reach. "Aozora" （青空, Blue Sky) really represents my emotions right now. I'm still at the beginning part of the song, but when the chorus part kicks in - that's where I hope to be.

As the weather cools and becomes autumn, I'm becoming very nostalgic towards my time in Japan. When I see the few maple trees around here in their shades of red and gold, I remember my time in Nikko and watching the trees in Kanagawa Park change color. I think my best memory of Japan was at the end of November. I always return to it - the walk from Ebisu to Shiodome with Esther after she went to church. We were both exploring a new city, the weather was cool, we were having fun, totally carefree. We stopped and ate 塩ラーメン (salt ramen) in Ebisu, looked for new kit-kats, wandered Roppongi Hills, took pictures of Tokyo Tower, sat and talked in a park and watched couples take pictures next to the changed leaves, and explore the walk ways crisscrossing along Shiodome. It was so refreshing, so carefree, so new - it was nice to have a friend to just see new things with. Thank you, Esther, for such an amazing time. Sorry that your feet were so tired by the end of it though >_<.

It's so hard to focus on the now... it's too stressful not having a job and having this big dark cloud with no silver lining called "student loans" hanging over my head. If I had a job secured I could just forget about that and I'd feel much better... but alas that is not to be. I guess that's why I'm feeling a little down (it's also cloudy).

What to do

I was feeling good about myself today after going to the career center - the counselor said my cover letter was "excellent" and that my resume looked fine as well.

Then I spoke with an acquaintance of mine just now who has experience as a consultant, and although he does tend to take quite a cynical view on things, he said there's a lot that can be done and as the resume currently stands, it'd be very hard for me to get a job with a consulting firm. It's all because of my stupid Cornell gpa.... It doesn't adequately represent me and my abilities, but I'll NEVER have the opportunity to demonstrate that because no one looks past it.

Now what the heck am I going to do...