Broken, shattered by the cold

I hate my life....... Why does this always happen to me why why why... She was the last hope I had in my life. She's what allowed me to make it through the semester so far. Now I have nothing left. Nothing to look forward too. The little hope of seeing her and hoping I might be able to do small things to maybe make her like me was all that kept me going. Now I can't do that... I can't do anything anymore. I'm having such a hard time typing this. I told you I'm a freak... my feelings are too strong for what they rightfully should be... All I ever wanted was just to once hold her hand - even if it was everyone holding hands in a circle and playing some game.... I won't get to do that now.... She's all I had.... and I didn't even have her..... Now I have nothing... I'm completely empty... Why me? Why do I have to constantly go through so much pain in my life. Why? why why? I almost was going to put up an away message or tell people that "I lost someone dear to me." then I realized it sounded like someone died... but she didn't die.... I did. I just want to runaway away and hide from this world, I don't want to be here. Why does this always happen to me? Now I will be plagued forever with all the times I wanted to tell her my feelings. I'll never be able to now.... if the time is ever right.... please tell her for me. I doubt it will ever be right... and I hope it doesn't become right because that means things go sour between her and terence... but if it the time does come.... please. And this isn't a spur of the moment thought... I've thought about it before (if you still have it... save the email I sent you last night and use that....). I hate Novembers.... Daphne and I split last november.... just one week from today...... Novembers are when the seasons get colder and when my life shatters because of it. When you closed the alarm window that said she had signed online... the ones I always looked forward too... it truly felt like she was gone. And my desktop... I love the picture because she volunteered to pose for it... and I hate it because at one point I thought that all I see is her back... and that's all I see as she walks away from me..........