Soap opera

My life in the past year could be an award winning soap opera..... and it sucks. Recent events have led me to conclude that if you draw the lines between my friends, their love interests, my love interest (singular) and their previous/current attachments, you'll find yourself lost in a maze that there's no getting out of - unless you cut a thread or two (something I want to avoid). At least I know that someone cares about me more than a friend... I'm just sorry that it's not reciprocal. She's a great person (tough there are some things that make me think twice about that...) and she is pretty (but not Duck or Laura beautiful). I'm just still attached to Laura... at least I think I am. I haven't seen her since mid-October... haven't seen anyone since then (well, The Guatemalan and The Architect). I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to hang around when they get back... I see a picture of Laura and George holding hands in Gen's room (it's a group pic). But I still get such a sinking feeling when I see it. Anyways, maybe if it was at another time. Maybe if I get past Laura as the semester goes and this new girl, (who I guess needs a nickname now:) Happy, still feels that way... and if she breaks up with her bf (which I don't think she should considering what she told me - I gave her honest advice about that), then maybe... but only if I genuinely feel something. I'm not going to force anything, it wouldn't be good in the long run - in any-run.

I've been listening to final fantasy music a lot lately. It's so beautiful, they really did an amazing job composing it. It takes me away from here too, in a very soothing way. It makes me want to be in a FF world. Part of it is because the characters always have close friends and companions throughout the story - and it always comes out happy (assuming you beat the game, lol). This will sound really strange... but I'm lonely enough (and I was when I last played ffviii... which was awhile ago) that I envy the love relationship of the main characters. I just want to be cared for in that way, I want to have someone I can care for. I've slept hugging my other pillow recently so that the emptiness in my chest doesn't feel as empty. :: sigh :: But that being said, I can't just say "yes" to Happy. I don't feel anything for her... though I thought I might have BARELY started to at one point, but I realized it's just because I'm feeling lonely. It's a desperation feeling, not genuine. It's just because I want to have someone there, to hold someone close. There are several times I've almost asked some of my friends if I could just get a hug... Not to mention I would feel horrible (actually, do feel horrible) if I pulled her away from her current bf.... It's not right. Why is my life so freaking complicated.... time to make crepes.