"I don't know where to turn"

I just watched a slideshow of my pictures from Tokyo this summer. The pictures of Francis doing crazy things and the memories associated with them brought a smile to my face. I miss you buddy! たくや（すまない。名前の漢字は分からないんだ）とお母さんによろしくね！ Looking at my pictures I think, "I miss those times. I want to be back there. I don't want to be here." Is it because of the memories I have there? Is it because I feel like I fit in there, despite my 187cm caucasian-ness? The fact that I didn't feel lonely even though I was hanging out with him and Yukae? Or is it just that any place is better than here now. I'm not sure, I look at my other pictures and I don't have as strong of an urge to go back to Takuno (even though I really liked it there). But Hong Kong doesn't bring me hurtful memories anymore. I guess the wall in my mind is strong enough for me to think about Hong Kong without thinking about her... which, in a way, is not a good thing.

Everytime I think about my past, I realize that Japan has always been a safe place for me. I've always wished I was in Japan when something was happening to me (even before I had visited). Its my tendency to run away I guess. I just feel really lonely again. (Just? I don't know.) It's Casino Night again in ILC, but I can't make myself go and help like I've done every year. I still can't face the two of them together yet... And I know they'll be there. But I know people will come look for me... I just want to hide. But where? Japan is too far...