Another dream, finally.

I had a dream last night, right before I woke up. I was outside in the cul-de-sac between HILC and JAM. I was looking up at the night sky with lots of stars. There were some people standing around looking up too - as if it were a fire drill - but I didn't pay attention to them and they didn't pay attention to me. They were just there as space fillers I guess. As I stood looking at the sky Laura came over to me. She said she was glad to see me, but I still looked at the sky, not wanting to look at her, afraid of my own reactions. Then, she suddenly hugged me and started crying. I looked down and sort of held her away from me so I could look at her face - and I didn't feel comfortable being hugged by her... I felt my own feelings about her were conflicting in my mind. I've never seen her cry before, but somehow the face I envisioned in my mind would be exactly what she would look like if she did cry, I know it - and it hurt to look at it. I told her, "Please, don't," as I stopped her from hugging me. She stood in front of me and continued to cry saying, "When are you coming back? You're not the only one being hurt by all of this." Then the people around us got in between us and she sort of disappeared (or did I disappear?).

Am I hurting her? I don't want to hurt her. Maybe I need to finally break down my wall. But I'm not sure I can. I don't want to hurt her.