Fix Me

I just want to cry right now...I want to cry my heart out...again. I want to let it all go, to get lost in my tears and temporarily forget how painful the future will be...the painful future is what I'm afriad of. I've gotten used to the sadness in the present...sort of...but the future...that's different. Why me? Why does this happen to me? I know that things could've been different...I know for sure. Why me? Why must I be so nervous and lack confidence in the things that matter? Why can't I be a bumbling fool the rest of the time but at least be confident in myself when it counts? Why? It's so painful...memories don't disappear...especially not my memories....my mind is filled with them. I can't look at dates without thinking of a memory...I look at my chair, my computer, my pillow, my fleece blanket, my jacket...everything...full of memories...How can I forget? Even if she's trying to make me forget, how can I? I will always remember...and hope....but it's so painful. I hate being scared of the future. Just let me cry again...let me give out muffled wails into my pillow like before...in the lonely solitude of my room.

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you can't replace.