I could handle the first part... but the second? Already liking someone else? That hurts so deeply. You don't tell someone you love them just to completely move on one month later. That's not what it means to love someone. I'm so torn, so hurt. There were tears in my eyes all the way as I biked home from school - not streaming down my face, but nestled in the corners. I want to see her, I want to hang out with her, but that second part hurts me so, so much. But I'm lonely without her around - even as a friend (even that is painful to write). I have no one else to hang out with, no one else to be with - everyone is just too busy. I wonder if I'm stupid for having invested so much of myself into her even after she came back, and for still wanting to invest into a relationship - whatever kind - between us. But, I want to because I care for her. She said last night she feels bad because she gets angry around me and towards me easily. I don't take it personally because I know she isn't angry at me, and if she is it's usually something so small and probably once again totally misread that I don't let it hurt me personally. She has stress, she has no one else around who she can really express all of her frustrations to, she says I won't understand sometimes. There's a difference between understanding and agreeing (particularly when it comes to her views on Japan and Japanese society). I just want to support her however I can. I don't want to estrange her, but I don't know how I will react the next time I see her. That second part hurts so much, it cuts so deeply.

I just pray that whomever she gets together with is able to give her the things that I couldn't, and keep her happier than I was able to do. She deserves that. (geez, I'm about to cry just writing that part).