Another dream

This one - not so happy.

It was sort of a random storyline or "a day in the life of" type of dream. The types where they're no real clear point, it just seems like you're dreaming of your everyday life. I guess you could say lots of dreams are like that, but this is contrastive to my previous strange dream - I had a goal in that dream. Like I felt there was somewhere I really wanted to go, but I couldn't get there (that water barrier). This one was just aimless. Anyways, I dreamed that I was in a house living with everyone - probably came up because they're talking about moving to apartments next year (and I'm left out). I didn't see anyone else in the house, it was just implied or I already knew subconciously that I was living with them. The house was situated among some random trees, not tropical, but not like ithaca trees. It was on a hill on an island, and the back of the house faced the sea. I'm not sure if it was a direct cliff or just a steep slope, but there wasn't anything between the house and the sea. The only location that comes to mind that might have inspired this is Cheung Chau, the island that she lives on, and thus where I stayed this summer when I visited HK. It was really sunny and there were other houses nearby, again like Cheung Chau. I started inside the house I think, then went outsdie when I saw two people run by carrying a soccer ball and cleats. They were running to the soccer court that was below the house - just like the one in Cheung Chau. I ran outside to see who it was and it was Jeremy and Vincent (I remember thinking - why the heck is Vincent in this dream?? I haven't seen him in a long time and we've pretty much only known each other through soccer - last fall only.) I shouted something down at them, Jeremy threw the ball up, I threw it back, or something like that, and that was the end. I turned and walked back towards the house (which was pretty much like right there) and then she walked out. She had her backpack on and I even remember she was wearing a brown shirt (I think I know which one it would've been) and jeans. I was about to ask her to wait for me so we could walk together - I even called her name out - but then I had the thought that I hadn't gotten ready yet, that she would have to wait for me. So I just said nevermind. But she gave me an exasperated look, didn't say anything, and turned her back and walked away. And that's all I saw of her that morning...her exasperated look and her back, both of which I caused. It wasn't a good feeling. I was hoping to be able to walk (to wherever) with her, but then all I see is her back as she walks away from me. I went back into the house to get ready and noticed how messy it was. The day was perfect outside, but inside the house was a mess, and she just walked away from me....Then I woke up. And realized that I had slept the entire night when I was supposed to sleep only 30 min. So with no work done, no breakfast, and the after effects of a bad dream, I quickly got ready and ran to class and a prelim.

I'm still holding on to that moment that hasn't happened yet. I'm holding on to the hopes that it will happen. I just wish I had more time to let it happen.

There's one song that I really like, actually (here comes my nerdy side) it's from my favorite anime. It's called "I'm a Pioneer". It's supposed to be about space exploration, but I've always felt close to the song. I guess because for me, the song and the anime itself are places of escape for me. I've always gone back to them when I just can't take it anymore. At home I would watch it to take me away from my family, and the song reminds me of the series so that I feel like I've been taken away, out into space, care free and having nothing to worry about. But at the same time, I know that as long as I knew there was someone out there that I cared about, I still wouldn't be happy. I'm stuck in that paradox...it gets so frustrating but the only way chance for me to be happy is to remain frustrated.

"Not happy to hide your big dreams anymore
You are a pioneer, the same as me"