Short of breath, quick of heart....

Short of breath, quickened heart beat - that's what I feel when I look at Laura. Shortened breath, faster heart beating, urge to cry - that's what I feel when I feel I have no chance.

She's moving a lot closer to George I think. Perhaps her liking some other guy in HK was just a rumor or perhaps the feeling has abated, but whatever it is I think I got left behind somwhere and lost my chance. I have no ill feelings towards either of them, just introverted feelings, questions, and mild frustration. Not at any person, but rather at the situations I find myself in, the situations I place myself in. I put myself in lose-lose situations and I hope for the outcome to be positive when I should know better. I do it to myself...it's so painful. I'll miss her..in some way..even though she'll still be there, but at the same time I think they would make a great couple. I've thought so from the beginning.

Am I resigning to early? There's no proof, there's no evidence. Its just my gut feeling I guess...they seem to interact a lot better now than before. It's ok, they're both happy - and that's what really counts in the end - my friends' happiness, anybody else's happiness. Can't it be right - in general - to sacrifice one for the two when all three for sure cannot be saved? ::sigh:: I guess I'm not resigned yet...but I hurt and I wonder if I should just to end it.......but it's so hard. Just sitting in the lounge for a little doing homework, sitting on the couch while she sat across the room with everyone else the four tables pushed together. She was so pretty sitting there doing her work, poised, hair back in a ponytail but coming to lay in front of her right shoulder. I had trouble concentrating on my own work when I looked at her, I would forget the conversation I was trying to recite when I glanced her direction. Short of breath, quick of heart....

Not to mention this is (way back now-->) her birthday...I guess it adds to my sadness. Like I always say, the feelings never leave completely.